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The Blue Lagoon and Coconut Palms
The Blue Lagoon and Coconut Palms
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Crooked Cops. Together with Malaria these are the major scourges of Moçambique and have caused the most damage to the economy, which is based on tourism. To beat the problem follow these easy steps: 1. Never give them a valid reason to pull you over i.e. don't break the law. Wear shoes and a shirt. 2. Treat them like the criminals that they are, with friendly contempt. Don't be intimidated. 3. Don't hand them any document. Hold the document against a closed window for them to read. They can ask for your driving license, registration, TIP, or insurance form. Nothing else. 4. Don't give them any money. Fines should be paid at the police station, to which they will be most unwilling to go. Giving a bribe is as illegal as accepting one. 5. Use your cell phone camera to take pictures of those not wearing a name tag. 6. Be polite when they let you go. 7. You'll know that you've graduated when they turn away at the sight of your car. 8. Tell your friends of your success and how you did it. 9. There is a document named cfjj_acis_codigo_da_estrada available on www.mozlegal.com, which details the fines (in Portuguese as well as English) for the various traffic offences that you might be tempted to commit. Keeping a copy in your car could save you some money.
Here's the way the scene normally plays: One of the kids in white and black steps out into the road and imperiously pulls you off. You comply, eager to please and eager to get this ordeal over with. Mentally you are already assessing the impact on your wallet if you pay this clown 1000 New Mets (1 million old) to make him go away. With eyes like gimlets the cop demands unspecified documents, you still eager to please, hand over your car papers, license, passport, birth and marriage certificates, and sometimes even your favourite recipe for Hollandaise sauce. Gimlet-eyes, who speaks perfect English at home, barks in his best pidgin that you have big legal problems which will cost you 2000mets (new) to sort out. He strides off with your papers and you scramble after him pushing a hand-full of money at him. He turns sweet and tells you he'll let you off for a thousand but don't do it again. You drive off gnashing your teeth thinking What banana republic! and Wait till I tell the folks back home! Here's the way it should have played: One of the kids in white and black steps out into the road and imperiously pulls you off. You comply, eager to please and eager to get this ordeal over with. Mentally you are rehearsing your strategy. With eyes like gimlets the cop demands unspecified documents, you still eager to get this over with, wind the window to 2/3 closed and, in slow measured movements, take out your driving license and hold it against the glass so he can read it. He blusters and yells but you remain unruffled and show him your registration, TIP, and insurance, always holding the document against the window. You may then point to the empty space above his breast pocket and ask where his id is. You or your passengers may then brandish a cell phone camera and start recording the scene. If he has not caved in by this time you suggest that the entire party should repair to the police station so that the Chefe de Posto can adjudicate the matter. Remember, no fine can exceed 1000 new mets (in case you are actually guilty of something). He tells you to get lost and don't do it again. You drive away smiling and eager to tell your friends how you did it. The economy of Moçambique takes a giant leap forward.
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